11:18 02052015 Another snow day, another Thursday without
Having done one thing and decided to stop I
the kids, i.e., alone, aside from getting depressed talking about
do another. I turn the book upside down
Israel and world war 3 with Moira, and visiting town
and write in here without talking about today
to pick up mail, read the paper, shovel my steps, and buy
in particular or what I feel or who I am
food, acting obnoxious and involving with the cashiers.
but mixing fiction with nonfiction
020715 12:10 am – Doorjamyard frozen so I can’t open door.
if what is said about me is true
020815 12:04 am – 4 deer in the dark snowcovered lane.
the way it flows without telling me
College senior homicidal as if over not getting invited. I don’t
meaning or intention or the point
even know what I mean by my words of wisdom, but I’m
“flows” rolling with the resistance
convinced about them having some useful meaning.
Excuse me while I feel paralyzed
020815 11:32 pm – Captivated by imagery, seen or imag-
“‘flows’” We excuse ourselves to step unwittingly
ined. A day of chores & mostly absorption in the drama of
into the blue ocean of your eyes
Iris’s appeal to take Drivers Ed next week – finally C & I agree
we feel recognized you realize
on now (instead of June) if Iris will take 2 sax lessons & learn
the sky is tar, a hue imagined
what she failed on her math midterm -- & the quiz last week . . .
because it feels that way
020915 11:53 pm – Get into bed and I’m freezing. It’s
Trash floats along the beltway
always 10o out, the past few days.
a ribbon of foam crosses the floor
021115 12:00 AM . . . Pockets of air and time. The good feeling of
vapid hammerlock forces the issue
my being used for someone else’s recovery, by that person.
into penury – worthless labor exhausts energy
021115 11:43pm – Goethe told deKooning, At 60, one begins all
Don’t try to destroy your worth, only
over again. Can one get stuck up an alley at 65? Or am I just
your false reputation. The answers lie
becoming the hard bud that will blossom more uproariously?
in humility, solitude, and adhesiveness anyway
11:56 PM 02122015 – Comfortable with Jasper and Iris, who ate
way deeper than that that torn
my dinner: kale, spaghetti w/ red pepper pesto, chicken sausages w/
briefs shirt label index
onions, mushrooms and garlic, as well as pizza snack w/ tea.
finger worming its way into sticky
021315 11:25pm – New client, a real writer and immigrant.
habitation of the silk worm repeating
I learned from Sheri how to stream video onto the big screen.
the image of a man of private parts
021415 11:06pm – Lying down I think again of Paige
an ingenious start for a work that can
Valentines Day solo drive to Augusta and back, for
never be finished
Changing Maine conference and swimming at the Y.
Words make me sick. I am dissa-
Mysterious and complex whirleds of feeling.
pointed in love – the kind of mating
021515 11:27 pm – I wrote the article, did the laundry,
I want to do I need to do
called the kids, moved some snow, and got totally sidetracked
wholesale acceptance or no sale at all
by Hikaru No Go tumbler fanfic and so on, forgetting to look
surrender, mutual Why am I telling you
over tax returns. . . . an abiding sense of increasing
secrets Let there be no secrets
clutter . . . and wrote Paige twice, by texting. . . .
between us except that which I tell no one
021715 12:29am – Winter is SO COLD!! I am a serious
the contours hold an insane rhythm
writer. My concern for my patients wears me out.
words tell me his voice touches
My newsletter article was too long so tonight I
on the wrist arched back mid-
cut it in half. I said goodbye by phone to Iris.
air I could use some help in heating this
021715 11:47pm – Not enough free wandering in the
body once the clothes are taken off and
meadows. There is love and there is money (or
the wind picks up sliding
fear). The body contact. Imagined.
as though the world were a chute
STEVE BENSON 04 10 15
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